Friday, December 5, 2008

Say Goodnight, Graceless ..

I woke this morning to the throb of an aching shoulder. I injured it last year and it still hurts. It doesn't sound quite so bad when I say "injured" as opposed to "I pulled a real bonehead stunt last year and screwed up my shoulder so bad that it still hurts. Every. Single. Day." now does it?

I was standing on the couch .. yeah, I was, what of it?

I had to though .. it was the only way to get to the curtains to close them so that everyone didn't have a movie-projector view of my living room at night through the gigantinormous picture window. So, I was balancing myself between the squishy cushions and the squishy arm of the overstuffed couch, pulling the curtains closed. The curtains have those little tabby things at the top instead of being on rings or anything that might be somewhat simple to close ... so I was having to jump a little to get the tabs over the part of the rod that is a little rough where the pieces connect.

So, I was balancing and jumping .. and walking across the couch (all those things we tell our kids not to do 'cause they'll put their eye out) to get all 4 panels shut. Finally got them all closed without killing myself, stepped off of the couch .. backwards, of course, very proud of myself for not dying during the extreme curtain closing sport ... and stepped right onto some prickly little toy the Munchkin had left laying there.

That, of course, was the beginning of the end. I shrieked as the toy sunk into the arch of my foot and was hopping ('cause that's what ya do when you have something sharp digging into the bottom of your foot) while I tried to move the other foot off of the couch too quickly, where it was kinda hung between the cushions, lost my balance and sat hard on the coffee table ... too far back .. and fell backwards over the other side, landing on my back, feet in the air, as the couch cushion sailed over my head and thudded into the entertainment center.

As I laid there, catching my breath, giggling at what a sight I must be sprawled across the living room floor ... I was thankful that the curtains were closed.

I was thankful for all of about 6.2 seconds ..that's about how long it took to notice that there was a horrible pain in my shoulder. I managed to dislocate it when I went tumbling. *sigh*

There was no way I was going to the doctor, because 1) I don't have health benefits. 2) I have to listen to doctors all day long .. I don't like them .. I don't want to listen to them when I'm not working.

No, I am not stubborn. I'm .. steadfast.

So, I popped the shoulder part of the way back in place .. 'cause I'm .. da-da-da-Da! Supermom!

I'm Supermom that squeals like a little girl when she tries to pull the whack-the-shoulder-against-the-wall-to-pop-it-back-in-place maneuver. I watch too many action movies, I think. You know the ones .. the big strong men can smack their shoulders into the wall and re-locate them ... or sew on hacked off limbs using knitting needles and baling twine, with no more than a cringe every once in a while. Yeah. So does not work in the real world.

Anyway, I got it back to where it should be .. sorta. I could move it at least.. partially. A few days later, I had a friend come over and try to knock it completely back in place, which worked .. .eventually. And he had the nerve to say, after an hour of excruciating pain, much yelling less than complimentary things  (on my part) and a lot of tears, "You're such a girl." So I hit him .. with the bad arm .. which just made me cry more.

I did finally have to go to the doctor, because I couldn't raise my arm past shoulder height and I kept losing my grip on stuff, but she wanted an MRI, which I couldn't do. So, she says I probably stretched out all the ligaments and tendons because that's what happens when a joint gets dislocated and it'll probably hurt for a long time before it heals ... or I could have possibly torn the rotator cuff and it will just hurt forever. bleh.

yay me.

So anyway, I started doing Tai Chi recently in the hopes that I can strengthen the muscles and hopefully repair the damage I've done to myself over the years by falling over, into and off of things, 'cause balancing and waving my arms around in slow motion is the best thing to do when you're as graceless as I am. Right? .... Right. I had to rearrange the entire house so that I could put as much space between me and the evil coffee table as possible. I started with the basic poses, but I'm sure I'll make up my own as time goes on ... like "Crouching Monkey, Hidden Moron" or "Flailing Flamingo in Flight."

I figure, at the very least, I'll be able to fall over the furniture more gracefully from now on.


Paula said...

I started with the basic poses, but I'm sure I'll make up my own as time goes on ... like "Crouching Monkey, Hidden Moron" or "Flailing Flamingo in Flight."

I thought you already had these moves down pat. That is how you got hurt in the first place! lol

Love you, Sis.

Divine Chaos said...

ha ha .. very funny ..

I was nowhere near good enough to do Flailing Flamingo in Flight then *hmmphs*

It was more like "Wounded Octopus" or "Bug on the Windshield" then *nods solemnly*

I'm progressing... baby steps, Sistah, baby steps.

Paula said...

I really though you were trying something more like Crab Dancing on Pogo-Stick. *giggles*


Divine Chaos said...

*blinkblinks* (cue crickets)

ya know .. I have nothing for that
*dies giggling*

Paula said...


I made her speechless!!!

*falls over giggling hysterically*

Love you Sis.. lol