Tuesday, August 3, 2004

Annie, Annie, Are You Alright???

Once upon a time when I was a little poohbear, I took swim lessons ... it was mandatory that the swim class learn CPR as well, so the instructor brings out the half-manequin .. you know, Annie, the one that is just the torso and head .. for us to practice on. We all sat in a row so we could watch the amazing technique of our fellow classmates.

Our instructions were: Run to the dummy. Call out ANNIE ANNIE ARE YOU ALRIGHT? .. lean down and listen for breathing sounds, check the mouth for obstructions and make sure she isn't swallowing her tongue .. then administer CPR.

ok, easy enough.

one by one, everyone took their turn. About halfway through we were getting bored .. it was a pretty large class. So finally, it gets to my turn.

I spring up from the floor and run in Junior Baywatch Babe style to darling Annie, hollering .. Annie .. Annie are you alright? I slip and nearly give myself a concussion on the cement .. and inform the teacher that we aren't supposed to be running at the poolside 'cause we could kill ourselves.

He grits his teeth .. 'cause he loves me so much .. and tells me to start over. He looks irritated, but I know he was laughing on the inside.

so here we go again with the running. I am purposely doing the slow-motion run, not to get laughs, mind you, but so that I don't fall again, 'cause my butt still hurts from the last meeting with the pavement.

~muffled giggles come from my classmates~

I skid to a stop, ever so gracefully, at Annie's side and fall ever so gently to my knees ..wailing and making a grand noise (partly because now, besides my butt hurting, my knees are hurting) ... again, not for laughs, but only to be heard over all the giggling, ya know.

oh Annie Annie .. are you alright? Don't leave me Annie .. ANNIIIIEEEEE .. amidst the theatrics .. while going for the Oscar for best performance in a CPR class.. my instructors sweet voice rides a gentle breeze to my ears


I kiss my Oscar goodbye and sigh .. he has stunted my growth as an actress. ~the giggling grows louder~

I lean forward and check for breathing .. check the mouth, poke around in there to make sure there's no seaweed .. 'cause the pool is full of it ya know ..and that she's not swallowing her plastic tongue that is permanently attached to the bottom of her jaw. Then, I lean forward to listen once again.

I gasp, my eyes widen.

~classmates are all leaning forward, waiting to see what I do next .. my instructor is seething~

I sit up straight and yell ... OH NO!!! SHE SAYS SHE CAN'T FEEL HER LEGS!!!!

The class erupts into howls of laughter, the instructor looks like he wants to choke me ..

and I grin and take a bow