Tuesday, January 2, 2007

The Magic (Egg) of Christmas

It's been a long time ... but ya know, Christmas has come and gone and of course there's gonna be a story about it. The holidays are when my family here is at their best (or worst, depending on your point of view).

As always, we had to have a month long discussion about where and what time we were going to congregate for the traditional Christmas Eve get together. After a long, exhausting debate, we decided that, as usual, we would go to my mother's house. We gathered there early in the afternoon to accommodate everyone's schedules for the day.

Lucky (the dog) very enthusiastically greeted me at the car and it was immediately decided by the powers that be that she would be banished to the garage because she can't control herself. My sister leapt to the task and grabbed the dog by the collar, which Lucky immediately slipped out of and tried to plant herself, all 95 pounds of herself, in my lap so I could "rescue" her. Mom jumped into the fray and got the collar on her again, and she houdini'd herself out of it again. I was, of course, a huge help ... busying myself with laughing hysterically at this circus. Because the collar kept slipping off, my sister then got the bright idea to grab her by the collar and her nose .. to keep her from jerking her head out of the collar again. Now, my sis is taller than the dog, but doesn't weigh much more, so the going was slow ... and Sis was dragging her slowly through the kitchen to the back door. When they finally got to the garage door, Lucky decided that was enough excitement and just sat down, refusing to budge ... except for a slight twitch every couple seconds.

Amidst all the laughter, my mom finally decided to wait and let my stepfather take Lucky out, 'cause she always does what he tells her to. I think she waited that long because watching Sis and the dog wrestling their way to the back door was just too funny to stop them.

So, my stepfather finally comes in .. goes to the back door and orders Lucky out, Lucky balked and tried to run back into the kitchen .. the twitching stopped. He shoved her back out the door ... she sat down, twitching again. Finally, he realizes the problem -- she wears a shock collar for the invisible dog fence thing. One of the triggers for it is across the back door to keep her out of the trash ... and it was on. LOL Poor Lucky ... anyway .. finally got her outside and the grandparents showed up so the party could start.

Mom mentioned .. firmly .. that there were tables in the living room and that my stepfather and grandfather could go out there to eat -- 'cause not everyone is a heathen and some like to actually eat at a table instead of balancing plates and glasses on their knees. My stepfather, of course, goes into a monologue about how they are being banished ... and it's all a plot to keep them away from the food *laughs*

A little bit later, my grandfather came back for seconds and stayed in the family room with the rest of us. Stepfather comes shortly after and plants himself in the family room ... and announces that we tried to get rid of them, but it didn't work .. they had worked their way back into civilization.

At some point, we started talking about Christmas carols for some reason .. and the conversation deteriorated to this (Names changed to protect the guilty):

CrazyMan: I despise the little drummer boy, such a dumb song ... they didn't wander around beating drums.

Blondie: Well maybe he was a shepherd boy .. they played music to occupy themselves.

CrazyMan: They didn't lug around drums .. they played little things, like harps and flutes .. that they could carry in their backpacks.

Teacher: Well it doesn't say that he was lugging around a snare drum .. it coulda been a little one

-- silence --

PunnyLady: Was it a camoflage backpack with lots of zippers?

-- more silence--

CrazyMan: *incredulous look* They didn't have zippers back then! ..... they used velcro.

Kay: The wise men were the only ones with zippered backpacks ... to carry the gold, frankincense & 'Murray'.

CrazyMan: Yeah, they were always a step ahead of everyone else.

Teacher: Uh huh .. they wore hiking boots too .. with steel toes.

Kay: Murray couldn't afford boots. They carried him in the camo backpack like a papoose.

Punny: Yep, that was to protect their feet when they tripped over the drums that little boy was leaving laying around all over the place.

It went on for a while after that, but I was laughing too hard to remember any more than that.
Fast forward to later in the afternoon, we're opening presents -- yay! Lots of cool stuff, and then my sister opens a present from my daughter. It's some kind of stone egg that Pookie found at the science center in Pennsylvania while on vacation. It wasn't in a box or anything and we couldn't figure out what (if anything) it was supposed to do. This, of course, gave us hours of entertainment while the rest of the presents were being opened. We held it up to the light, took it into a dark room, threw it back and forth at each other .. called Pookie at her dad's to see if she knew ... and finally just started making things up. The other sister got a new CD player, which she couldn't get to work ... again the conversation deteriorated.

Teacher: (holding the egg up to the light) Maybe it glows in the dark.

Blondie: Where are the directions for the CD player? It won't play .... (sudden blast of music) oooo the radio works!

Crazy: Give me the egg .. I'm gonna see if it glows.

GrandpaFixIt: Found the directions for the CD....... they're in French.

Kay: Use the power of the egg to read them!

Punny: *takes the egg and holds it under hot water to see if it changes colors*

Crazy: Did it do anything?

Punny: Yep, it got wet.

Kay: Maybe it's an Indian weather rock .... if it's wet, it's raining ....

Blondie: OW ... the CD drawer comes out fast!

Crazy: Stick the egg in it.

Teacher: Give me my egg back! *grabs the egg and blows on it, to see if it changes color .. like a mood-egg*

-- another loud blast of music --

Kay: Yay! It works!!

Blondie: No, that was the radio again.

Punny: What's the egg do?

Crazy: It tells the weather.

Blondie: It says disc, but it's not playing.

-- blaring music --

Kay: Do you have it plugged in? (yes I know, here's my sign).

Blondie: Uh ... no, that's why it's playing music.

Kay: It's the egg.

Crazy: Stick the egg in it ... maybe it's a secret power source. *holds the egg between his palms and makes star-trek-ish 'woop woop' sounds*

Kay: Where's the kaboom? There's supposed to be an earth shattering kaboom!!! (yep, I know .. dating myself there)

-- more fiddling with the CD player and mumbling ... more egg-sclamations --

Blondie: Why are these directions in Chinese?

--more mumbling ... a little bit of silence ... reading directions for the CD player --

Kay: Oh!! Here, I know how to fix it ....

--expectant silence --

Kay: Open the battery thing

Blondie: It doesn't have batteries.

Kay: *total deadpan* Stick the egg in it.

Crazy: Hey! That was my idea!

We never did figure it out .... the CD player or the egg.

After more egg conversation .. (no, I wasn't egg-saggerating ... it gave us literally hours of entertainment) ... we parted ways, and as I was walking out to the car ... my stepfather came out behind me, babbling

"Watch your step ... I'm right behind you ... don't fall!!!" (those of you that remember last Christmas' fiasco on my mom's stone walkway will know why) ... As I turned to make a smart comment, I nearly fell over top of the car .. so decided to keep my mouth shut ;-)

So anyway, that was Christmas Eve with my family ... maybe when I've got a little more caffeine in me, I'll work on the Christmas day blog ;-) Hope y'all had a wonderful holiday!