A Jarhead of My Very Own

So, there I was ... minding my own business, typing away on the computer, listening to the doctors droning on in my ears, as usual, when I heard *clunk, clunk* from the porch. I stopped for a second and listened, and it stopped.

So I went back to work, and a little while later *clunk clunk* again. I was wondering what the heck the dog, Onyx, was up to out there but didn't feel like going to look. Figured she'd just drug one of the stray tree branches up there to chew on.

I typed a while then heard *clunk clunk clunkity clunkity clunk* ... and was irritated, 'cause that was a lot of noise for such a little dog and I could no longer hear what I was doing. So I went stomping across the house, 'cause I was so happy, ya know .. flung the door open .. and there she was.

With her head stuck in a glass Mason jar.

She wasn't frantic or panicky at all, was just walking around the porch running into the house while she licked the inside of the glass. Of course, I was a little freaked out ... so I didn't think to get a picture, but anyway!

I brought her inside and tried to pull the jar off. She was just lookin at me through the glass, licking away. The jar wouldn't budge .. and she was calm, not trying to pull her head out at all either. She's so helpful.

So, I stuck her in the utility sink and grabbed the soap and soaped up the rim of the jar, and her neck and head as best I could and tried to slide it off again. The entire time she's sitting there, looking at me with the most calm, big brown eyes, a little confused as to why I was freaking out, still licking the inside of the jar, not phased in the least that she has a glass helmet on.

I called my stepfather to ask him what I should do, if there was anything else TO do, or if I should take her to the vet, 'cause he's the Mr. Fix-it and I was afraid I'd get glass in her eyes if I tried to smash it off of her.

Him: Is she panicky at all?

Me: Nope, she's just looking at me, licking the glass .. what a moron!

Him: *chuckles* She's not trying to get her head out?

Me: Nope, just sitting here.

Him: What was she doing?

Me: Wandering around, walking into stuff 'cause i guess the glass distorts her vision, and making a bunch of noise.

Him: *laughing* and she's not freaking out??

Me: NO! But I am .. how do I get this jar off her head?!

~waits for him to stop laughing~

~waits some more for him to tell my mom and sisters ... and for them to stop laughing~

Him: Well, you're gonna have to just break it off with a hammer.

Me: But I might get glass in her eyes.

Him: Hit it on the part around her neck!

So I tapped it with the hammer *clink clink* ... whacked it a little more firmly with the hammer and I'm sure it was ringing in her ears, but she just blinked and never moved, looking up at me with those big brown eyes, still steadily licking the inside of the jar. I can't imagine what the heck was on there that was so good, maybe a sedative.

.... still on the phone

Me: It's not breaking.

Him: You're gonna have to brace it up against something.

Me: I'll wrap a towel around it .. I don't wanna get glass in her eyes.

Him: Can't use a towel, you need to give it one good hit with it braced on something so it'll break.

~freaking out more than a little by this point, 'cause i'm so afraid i'm gonna hurt my sweet little puppy, who apparently is as dumb as a box of hair~

So, I braced the jar against the side of the sink, she was still just calmly looking at me *lick lick*
And smashed the rim with the hammer

Him: Oh we have another idea!

Me: *mutters* oh NOW you have another idea? I just broke it! Oh man!! I should have taken a picture!!

I pulled the jar off of her, she never made a peep, never moved, there were little shards of glass all over the sink, all over her, and she looked up at me like .... Oh, hey, thanks mom .... did ya know I had a jar on my head??

So, I gave her a bath to get the rest of the glass off of her, dried her off and let her run around the house for a while ... and eventually had to cage her ..'cause she found another jar and was trying to lick the inside of it.

*rolls her eyes* what a dork ...