Sunday, November 30, 2008

Sweeney Todd and the Apocolypse

I just watched Sweeney Todd because I was bored ... and now I'm just kinda .. eww.

For those of you that have not had the pleasure of seeing this bloody little snack .. let me give ya a brief synopsis.

Sweeney Todd aka Ben Barker or Parker... couldn't tell which it was .. is a barber with a pretty wife and baby. Some judge guy decides he wants the wife, so arrests Todd on some bogus charge and sends him off to sea or some such, takes the wife and child, blah blah. Todd returns years later with his new name, re-opens his barber shop, and is focused only on vengeance. He hears from Mrs. Lovette, who owns the pie shop below his old apartment/barber shop, that his wife has poisoned herself and his daughter is the ward of the judge. Then there is lots of singing, throat slitting and blood spraying everywhere .. a crazy lady that swears Mrs. Lovette is the devil, and a cool barber chair that catapults dead clients down a chute to the basement where the bodies are ground up by Mrs. Lovette to make meat pies. Crazy lady shows up, Todd slits her throat, then realizes it was his long lost wife. Mrs. Lovette says she never lied, that she just said she poisoned herself, but never said she died .. .and that she didn't tell the entire truth because she was in love with Todd. Todd throws her in the oven. A young boy who had sort of adopted Mrs. Lovette runs in and slits Todd's throat and he bleeds out all over the body of his dead wife.

The end.

What a lovely story. *gags*

It reminded me of something I was going to write about the other day, but never did because it's pretty gross. Since I'm already kinda sick now .. I figured it's as good a time as any! I watch a show called Wife Swap. Basically, two families switch wives. The wives stay with the other family for 2 weeks. The first week they go by the family's rules. The second week, they get to implement their own rules. Now, this is kinda funny most of the time, but the one I saw last week was just .. disgustingly horrifying.

One family was pretty normal. They lived in the city, were pretty upper middle class, very much into their childrens' education, like to go out to eat and expose their children to many different cultures.

The other family lived on a farm. The children do not go to school because the parents figure they will learn everything they need to learn about life on the farm. Not terrible, right?

Oh wait, I forgot ... They stockpile enough food at all times to get through any major catastrophe. Still .. not too bad. They do this because they are preparing for the apocalypse. Ok .. a little nutty. But still .. not as crazy as the bag lady on the corner that shrieks about the world ending tonight and exactly 9:17 p.m.

They use no chemicals at all ever. None. They don't clean their house because bacteria is good for you. They only wear coveralls, cause ... well I don't know why, but that's what they do. Oh, and they brush their teeth with a mixture of butter and clay. Yep, you read right ... butter.

Oh wait .. did I mention their diet? They survive on raw food. All raw food. Not just vegetables. Meat. Raw meat. Raw chicken, raw beef, raw eggs .... and not just raw, but raw and rotted. Four-month-old rotted raw meat *gags*

I thought the family of fairy-worshippers that talk to their plants and ask them nicely if they're ready to come in the house and be eaten, or the family with the mom with the shaved head who was tattooed from head to toe and had a stripper pole in her living room, where she had parties with the kids, were weird until I saw the farm family.

Raw rotted meat .. yeah .. they hit a 15 on the weird crap-o-meter.

That is the only reality show that I watch. It's like a train wreck ... I want to look away. I want to, really .... but I can't. So, instead of looking away so that I won't be traumatized ... I traumatize nyxie by describing the show to her every day while I watch it lol