Officer Yummypants

Here in WV, we have a required once-a-year state inspection for our cars. They inspect brakes, tires, wipers, lights, horn, blinkers, etc., and then place a sticker on the lower left hand side of the windshield to show that it's been done and shows the month and year that it expires. Easy enough, right? Once a year, go to the garage, pay the minimal amount of money to get it done, and get the stupid sticker. A trained monkey could remember this, right?? Right.

Wrong.

I never remember. Ever.

Well, that's not entirely true. I do remember. My memory is not as bad as it seems to be. I remember lots of stuff, just at odd times. My brain takes the scenic route to get back around to whatever I'm supposed to be remembering .. and usually ends up remembering it when it's too late to do anything about it. Like, I'll remember that I need new windshield wipers because one has broken off and flown into the car behind me, when I'm nearly home and the monsoonish rains start ... but when I go out later, and the sun is warm, I don't remember ... until it starts raining again.

Same goes with my inspection sticker. I think about it during work, but I can't have it done on a work day, I have to have it done on my day off. I only have one week day off when the garage is actually open. Do you think I remember then? Well of course not. So, most days, I go out in the evenings if we need to run errands .. 'cause it's dark and the cops can't see the stupid sticker in the dark.

Well, yesterday my brain took a small vacation and I forgot that the sticker was expired and proceeded to go out in broad daylight. I remembered halfway across town that . .oh, maybe I shouldn't be out here where there are cops tooling around with nothing better to do that to pull over some dink that can't remember to get the inspection sticker renewed on her car.

So, the munchkin and I were on high alert the whole time we were out, yanno, after I remembered we shouldn't be out .. and we took a couple short detours to avoid our lovely men in uniform. We finished the couple little errands we needed to do and headed home. We were doing great until we got about 1/4 mile from the house and there he sat. Statey was sitting on the side of the road waiting for speeders. Pookie and I were car dancing to the music when I spotted him .. but I didn't stop, 'cause that woulda just made me look guilty. We blew past him and I saw him pull out behind us in the rear-view, but no lights. I tried to talk myself into believing that he was just going to the little convenience store at the end of my street and hit the blinker to turn .. I was almost home free.

I'd apparently done a good job of talking myself into believing he wasn't following me, 'cause when he turned on the blue lights, I just about jumped outta my skin .. right before I started muttering softly under my breath. I grabbed the insurance card for him, and my license, and had them ready when he got to the window. Now most people have some kinda good sense when they get pulled over and respectfully hand over their stuff.

I'm not most people.

My first words when he sidled up to the window were, "Well aren't you beautiful? er .. I mean, hello officer."

*ahem*

I have a thing for state cops, no clue why ... I just do.

Anyway, he kinda blushed a little and said, "Did you know that your inspection sticker is expired?"

I gave him the dumb-blonde-borderline-moron-hey-i'm-stupid-but-i-have-a-cute-smile look and said "well crap," .. and then grinned cutely at him. He chuckled and said it was no big deal and asked for my license, registration and insurance. I had the license and insurance .. but went completely blank on the registration and Officer Yummypants had to repeat himself, much to his amusement. He got it all taken care of and gave me a warning, just like always. As I was replacing all the stuff in the glove box, I kinda mumbled under my breath, "Works every year." To which, my daughter gave me this partly disgusted, partly amused, partly amazed look and said, "Just how often do you do that??" I just grinned at her and said, "Ahh, every year, little grasshopper ... every year."