Sunday, January 11, 2009

Officer Yummypants

Here in WV, we have a required once-a-year state inspection for our cars. They inspect brakes, tires, wipers, lights, horn, blinkers, etc., and then place a sticker on the lower left hand side of the windshield to show that it's been done and shows the month and year that it expires. Easy enough, right? Once a year, go to the garage, pay the minimal amount of money to get it done, and get the stupid sticker. A trained monkey could remember this, right?? Right.


I never remember. Ever.

Well, that's not entirely true. I do remember. My memory is not as bad as it seems to be. I remember lots of stuff, just at odd times. My brain takes the scenic route to get back around to whatever I'm supposed to be remembering .. and usually ends up remembering it when it's too late to do anything about it. Like, I'll remember that I need new windshield wipers because one has broken off and flown into the car behind me, when I'm nearly home and the monsoonish rains start ... but when I go out later, and the sun is warm, I don't remember ... until it starts raining again.

Same goes with my inspection sticker. I think about it during work, but I can't have it done on a work day, I have to have it done on my day off. I only have one week day off when the garage is actually open. Do you think I remember then? Well of course not. So, most days, I go out in the evenings if we need to run errands .. 'cause it's dark and the cops can't see the stupid sticker in the dark.

Well, yesterday my brain took a small vacation and I forgot that the sticker was expired and proceeded to go out in broad daylight. I remembered halfway across town that . .oh, maybe I shouldn't be out here where there are cops tooling around with nothing better to do that to pull over some dink that can't remember to get the inspection sticker renewed on her car.

So, the munchkin and I were on high alert the whole time we were out, yanno, after I remembered we shouldn't be out .. and we took a couple short detours to avoid our lovely men in uniform. We finished the couple little errands we needed to do and headed home. We were doing great until we got about 1/4 mile from the house and there he sat. Statey was sitting on the side of the road waiting for speeders. Pookie and I were car dancing to the music when I spotted him .. but I didn't stop, 'cause that woulda just made me look guilty. We blew past him and I saw him pull out behind us in the rear-view, but no lights. I tried to talk myself into believing that he was just going to the little convenience store at the end of my street and hit the blinker to turn .. I was almost home free.

I'd apparently done a good job of talking myself into believing he wasn't following me, 'cause when he turned on the blue lights, I just about jumped outta my skin .. right before I started muttering softly under my breath. I grabbed the insurance card for him, and my license, and had them ready when he got to the window. Now most people have some kinda good sense when they get pulled over and respectfully hand over their stuff.

I'm not most people.

My first words when he sidled up to the window were, "Well aren't you beautiful? er .. I mean, hello officer."


I have a thing for state cops, no clue why ... I just do.

Anyway, he kinda blushed a little and said, "Did you know that your inspection sticker is expired?"

I gave him the dumb-blonde-borderline-moron-hey-i'm-stupid-but-i-have-a-cute-smile look and said "well crap," .. and then grinned cutely at him. He chuckled and said it was no big deal and asked for my license, registration and insurance. I had the license and insurance .. but went completely blank on the registration and Officer Yummypants had to repeat himself, much to his amusement. He got it all taken care of and gave me a warning, just like always. As I was replacing all the stuff in the glove box, I kinda mumbled under my breath, "Works every year." To which, my daughter gave me this partly disgusted, partly amused, partly amazed look and said, "Just how often do you do that??" I just grinned at her and said, "Ahh, every year, little grasshopper ... every year."


for a different kind of girl said...

My sister lived in a state that requires vehicle inspection for nearly 7 years before she finally got caught! The clincher was the town cops who FINALLY realized how often they saw her tooling around town noticing her out of state licence plates that she was tempting fate with! She wasn't as lucky as you, though, when she got pulled over!

Jeje said...

*just cackles*

Love you SOoooooooo much Sis!


heathersister said...

Better not tell your grandpa and get that wiper fixed!

Was the Yeti totally horrified. My girl was. She was like all grossed out. Poor thing, she started the morning she was going to get her braces on.

Divine Chaos said...

fadkog - The cops here are pretty cool about it .. if you're female *grins*

Jeje - hope you didn't choke on anything that time, I forgot to tell you not to eat or drink while you were reading .. I'm not trying to kill you, honest!

Michelle - (I won't forget your name, 'cause we share it lol) -- Nope, she wasn't horrified, she's been waiting and waiting to start, 'cause she wants a perm in her hair and the lady at the salon said it was best to wait until after she'd had her first period and her hormones changed, 'cause it tends to help younger kids hair hold a perm better (she's had one before and it fell out almost immediately). LOL

Paige Lacey said...

You are *so* lucky! I never get away with that stuff with police officers. So, flirting works, huh? I'm so doing that wrong...

Irish Gumbo said...

Young lady! Shame on you! Ponytail wearing, winking, Imacutie little minx, taking advantage of a well-meaning gentleman of the get him to...

Wait. That's kinda how you got ME to drop in on you HERE...

Damn. Not again.

Very well, carry on! Just make sure you let me catch you doing that again, unnastand?

And I am not sure I even want to know how you came up with the tampon-rocket launcher combo...:)

Jeje said...

Naaaaaah, I know better than to eat or drink when I'm reading your blog. *grins* Although, sometimes you make me choke on =air= ... you're just that good Sis! :D

Poor Pookie, you know she's NEVER going to forget "yeti-butt" and at some point in some random gym class she's going to call some other girl yeti-butt and have a terrible time explaining how exactly WHY she's got a black eye and broken nose and yet is still giggling so much she can barely breath.. I can just see it! ;)

*more loves!*

Nyxmyst said...

So... any votes on whether Pookie feels the need to explain tampon usage to every girl on the bus this week?

She's so good at staying quiet, after all.

Baby Sister said...

LOL I guess I'm not the only one who got daddy's BS-gene! But really? Officer Yummypants? WV should send some troopers my way... at least then if I get pulled over I'll have something nice to look at while hyperventilating!

Also.. I give the kiddo until the end of the week to share her new knowlege :-D