Lola and Sarcasmo

The GPS lady-voice is so accommodating and kind, isn't she?  For those of you that do not own or have access to a GPS unit for your car, let me tell you that robot voice is very sweet.  If you make a wrong turn, she doesn't judge or harass you, she just very pleasantly says, "Recalculating route," and then tells you where to go from there. 

After my adventure in driving yesterday, I have decided that I need a male GPS.  Not only a male voice, but one that sounds frustrated and is dripping with sarcasm, maybe sometimes rather rude.  I need one that sounds like my friends. 

I was driving along yesterday and the nice GPS lady, we'll call her Lola, said to turn left in 3 miles and enter the highway.  I smiled and said, "Ok Lola, I just have to stop right here at the store first."  And Lola said that was fine, 'cause she's very kind and would never judge me for stopping to grab Diet Coke and a bag of chips for breakfast. 

The store was at an intersection and when I came out, I promptly forgot that I was supposed to turn left in 3 miles and turned left at the intersection.  Lola's soothing voice embraced me gently as she said, "Recalculating route,"  so I knew that I had made a wrong turn, but she was so nice about it, I figured it was ok and just kept on going while she recalculated.

Now, if I had the sarastic male GPS, I wouldn't have added an extra 30 minutes to my driving time with that one little turn because the conversation would have gone more like this:

Sarcasmo:   Turn left in 3 miles, you think you can handle that?

Me:  Yes, but I have to stop and get breakfast.

Sarcasmo:  A bag of chips and a bottle of Diet Coke?  You know that's loaded with carbs, right? 

Me:  Yes but I got DIET Coke.  That cancels out the chip calories.

Sarcasmo:  Suuuurrreee it does.   Wait .. you just turned left!   Are you deaf, woman?  I said in THREE MILES.

Me:  Oh my bad, but it should still be alright, I'm still going south, right?

Sarcasmo:  (loud sigh)  Perhaps if I hack into dispatch and post state police at every turn for you .. since you are incapable of passing one without rubbernecking?  Will that work for you?

Me:  Oooo that might work.

Sarcasmo:  You're still going the wrong way. Turn around RIGHT NOW or I'm gonna blow your sorry butt off the planet! 

Me: Surely it can't be that bad, and I'm already going this way.

Sarcasmo:  Well, if you fancy driving local, 2-lane, 40-mile-an-hour roads, sure it's just fine. FINE .. Recalculating route for the directionally challenged ... AGAIN.  Turn left in 35 miles .. did you get that?  THIRTY FIVE MILES ...LEFT.  Time to reach destination?  TOMORROW. TURN AROUND YOU IDIOT!

It might be even more productive if the GPS had a "Gibbs Slap" attachment.

Anyway, yeah, coulda shaved off a lot of driving time if I'd just had the right GPS.  But, I made it home, so I guess that counts for something :p