A Lesson in Preparedness

I hate being unprepared for things.  I'm not sure why some people are totally okay with their unpreparedness, it is kinda annoying.  I work in customer service for a company that shall not be named, mostly just because I don't want to be the cause (or target) of a pitchfork carrying, torch wielding, angry mob.  This is a little bit of my day: 

Me:  Thank you for calling ___, My name is Divi, how can I help manage your account today? 

Customer:   I just got my *(&%#( bill and it's too *($&# much.  You charged me for blah blah blah and You better fix it RIGHT NOW. 

Me:  I'll be happy to help you wi...

Customer:  I don't know what's wrong with you people, my bill is always wrong.  You shut my stuff off and I want it back on right now. And I'm not paying this $100 charge either.  You people need to get your heads out of your )$*%@# and stop cheating me. 

Me:  Sir, I'll be more than ha... 

Customer:  Why can't you people ever get my bill right?  Can't you do simple math? I want to talk to a supervisor. 

Me: .....

Customer:  HELLO? 

Me:  I'm still here, I was just waiting for you to finish talking. 

Customer:  Get me a supervisor!

Me:  Sir, I'll be happy to do that for you, but in order to get a supervisor, I do have to have your account pulled up and know what exactly is going on so I can let her know before she will take the call.  What is your account number. 

Customer:  I don't know. 

Me:  (of course you don't)   Well that's ok, what is the phone number associated with your account? 

Customer:   I'm not sure. 

Me: (Really?)  How about the name on the account and your zip code?

Customer:  Don't you have all that information in front of you?  

Me:  (Of course I do, I just like messing with you?   This is not the Psychic Friends Network buddy)  Um, no.  You will need to provide me with some way to find your account. 

Customer:  *SIGH*  Fine, *mumble* Joe *mumble*tan*mumble*stivsky 

Me:  Sir?  Can you spell that last name for me please? 

--- Now, anyone that know me would know that right about now I am ready to reach through the phone and slap "Joe" around and suggest ever so sweetly that he hang up and call back when he is prepared with the information we need to talk about this account.  Who in the world calls somewhere screaming their head off about some wrong that's been done them without at least having an account number????

So we finally get through finding the account ... we're a good 5-7 minutes into this call now because it has taken that long to find the information.  I can see this customer calls in about once a week about something, so you'd think they would know the process, wouldn't you?  But no. 

Me:  Can you verify the 4 digit passcode for me?

Customer:  The what? 

Me:  THE FOUR DIGIT PASSCODE. 

Customer:  What's that?  I don't know any 4 digit passcode. 

Me:  How about the secret question.  What's your favorite restaurant? 

---- at this point my cell mates .. er I mean co-workers are shouting out helpful hints in the background:  McDonalds ...  Hooters ..... Mom's Kitchen ...

Customer:  What are you talking about?  I don't know about any favorite restaurant. 

Me:  (slightly saracastic, a lot incredulous ... and trying to ignore the cell mates)  You don't know what your favorite restaurant is?

Customer:  (Getting angrier by the second) No

Me:  I'm so sorry, without one of those things to verify your identity I cannot talk to you about this account. 

--- My favorite part!

Customer:   Well I'm me.  I just want to know about this *#(&)# bill.  Are you telling me that you are not going to talk to me about my own *(%&@#$ bill?  I am who I say I am!

Me:  Yes, without being able to verify your information,  by law, I cannot talk to you about this account.  I cannot see you and I do not know you, so I cannot verify that you are the owner of this account or authorized to talk about this account without that information. 


Customer:  ()*@#%((*@#))$(& *Click*

---- 


So, the moral of my story is this:   IF you are going to angrily call and abuse some innocent bystander such as myself, who, by the way, has nothing to do with the charges on your bill, be prepared with the information needed to find your account or you're just going to be angrier when you hang up.  Not to mention that you will also have to call back and go through it all again.  

Also, I'll give you a couple little freebies: 

1.  If you call in because your bill is $300 and it should only be $150 AND your services are not working, perhaps you did not pay last month's bill.   This is not my fault, nor is it my problem.  My services are working because my bill is paid.  If my services are not working because I failed to pay the payment that is my fault -- not yours.  I don't call you and scream about my services being off, now do I?  Oh, and my cellmates and I will make fun of you when you hang up. 

2.  If you are charged for a repair fee, an installation fee or an activation fee and you don't want to pay it, calling me and saying "I'm not paying this )*@*%& bill." is not going to get you very far.  I honestly don't care if you pay it or not.  I'm perfectly fine with you NOT paying it.  I will, however, very nicely inform you that your services will be interrupted if you don't pay it.  IF you are nice, I might try to help you out and adjust it off the bill.  IF you are a jerk, it's staying on there along with a note that it is not to be adjusted off by anyone else either ...and my cellmates and I will make fun of you when you hang up. 

3.   Threatening to cancel service because you have an activation fee of $49 when you're getting every promotion known to man on your bill doesn't make me shudder or tremble in fear at all.  I'll happily send you to cancellations.  And make fun of you. 

4.  If you start the conversation screaming and you are murdering the English language while calling me everything you can think of to call me, I WILL either hang up or send you to the Spanish line without so much as flinching, and I won't feel bad about it at all.  And guess what my coworkers and I will do afterwards. 

5.  There are certain unspoken rules about dealing with people in the service industry.  Don't be rude or antagonize the people who handle your food, the officer that has you pulled over or the person who has control over your bills at any given moment.   Be nice to us and we will  be nice to you.  Be nasty to us ... and heaven help you.