Friday's Rant or It's been a long week

[rant] Have ya ever called a company to discuss your bill and you were sadly unprepared when the poor schmuck in customer service asked you for your account number?  Have you noticed the moment of silence after you say you don’t have the account number?  Some of you even say “hello?” thinking that we have been disconnected.  That moment of silence is not because we have lost the call, no matter how much we wish we could, nor are we trying to find your account.  It’s because we find it positively mind-boggling, in the most negative way, that you would call us to discuss, pay or complain about your bill without having the information we need to find your stupid account.  We use that moment of silence to wonder what it is that you want us to help you with.  Sometimes we mute the line and bang our heads on our desks, muttering to ourselves and our co-workers, who are also banging their heads on their desks.   That fleeting moment of dead air is usually used to bite our tongues to keep from asking you if you need our assistance with your organizational skills, perhaps, so that you may learn how to be prepared when you call us to deal with YOUR account.  It is not the Psychic Customer Service Network, people.   How hard is it to have your account number in your hand?  If you know you’re going to call us from work – take the account number with you.  Don’t complain to us about how long it’s taking to find YOUR account when YOU did not have YOUR account number.  My services are not suspended.  I paid my bill – and I had my account number handy when I called to discuss whatever it was I needed to discuss.  Don’t yell at us because we have to offer you every product under the sun when you call to pay your bill.  If you don’t want to be offered other products (which is our JOB), pay your bill online or mail a check.  If you don’t want to have to give us a passcode in order to access your account, DON’T CALL.  We have to have that .. it’s the law.  If you are in a hurry because you’re on a break or because you’re on your way somewhere, let me give you a little clue.  Shut up.  If you quit whining and complaining and yelling long enough for us to answer your questions or explain what’s happened the call will go a bit faster.  If you carry a past due balance every single month for years and your service is disconnected for nonpayment, that’s your fault, not mine.  Again, I paid my bill.  My service is on.   Don’t spend 30 minutes telling us how horrible our company is, what a bunch or corporate thieves we work for or how disgusted you are with the service.   We work here – you’re preaching to the choir.   The more abusive you are the less we care about your problems.  Be kind and we will bend over backwards to help you.  Be a jerk and we will bless your little heart … but who knows when your problem might be fixed or how many more people you’ll have to speak to in order to get it resolved, if it ever gets resolved at all.  Thank you for calling, have a lovely day.  [/rant]