Thursday, December 11, 2008

Little Stink Foot

I just have to say, my daughter has the stinkiest, smelliest feet in the world. I don't mean they just stink a little .. it's horrible! The child refuses to wear socks .. so her tennies smell just horrifyingly bad, which makes her feet smell horriflying bad when she takes them out of the shoes. That's how I know she's home from school. I guess the good thing is that she definitely can't sneak up on me .. 'cause the smell assaults my nostrils long before she gets into the room I'm in when she gets home. I try to get her to wear socks .. but she swears she doesnt have any. I know she does. Between my grandparents and myself, we should own stock in the sock making companies. We've bought her about 792 pair socks in the last year. She wears them once, but when she takes them off she stuffs them into the couch cushions, under the chair, under the mattress, wherever she happens to be when she takes them off, that's where they go. They never make the trip to the laundry room two by two. Nope. Just one at a time. She has an entire bucket full of unmatched socks. I'm pretty sure the dryer is eating the others. Either that or there is a sock conspiracy going on under the couch in my living room.

She came in one day while I was on the phone with my friend, Iggy.

Iggy: So when's Pookie get home?

Kay: She should be here any .. *cough, gag* ugh .. she's here.

Iggy: I don't hear her.

Kay: Be thankful you can't smell her. She's home .. trust me. ...... WASH YOUR FEET, CHILD!

This was followed by a lot of squealing and giggling as she ran through every room of the house, stinking up the place. Iggy was in hysterics on the phone. I was dying a slow, painful, smelly death. She finally made it into the bedroom, where I was lying in wait to spray her down with some OxyOrange .. which just made her squeal more and take off again, while I was yelling after her to go wash those nasty tootsies.

After listening to the chaos and giggling for a few minutes, when he'd finally stopped laughing enough that he could speak .. Iggy asked to talk to her.

Iggy: Hey, Pookie, why don't you go wash your feet before you kill your mother?

Pookie: Nah .. my feet don't smell that bad.

I was donning my gas mask, fearing that I'd pass out if I didn't get that horrible smell out of the house .. and was threatening to take her outside and hose her down. Iggy and Pookie had a conversation for several minutes which ended with...

Iggy: Really .. WHY won't you wash your feet?

Pookie: Because, it's the stench of discovery, Iggy!

Iggy: (In hysterics again) Oh brother .. give the phone back to your mother.


I'm not sure what kind of discovery it was .. perhaps that a small animal had crawled into her shoes and died. But yeah .. the stench of discovery.

Under much protestation, she did finally discover the soap .. Hallelujah!

She also discovered that if she doesn't wear socks after mom has doused her shoes with OxyOrange and Febreze to get rid of the smell .. or at least get it down to a more manageable level, it makes her feet itch lots *smirks*


Drama Mama said...

LMAO! Too funny! My son has steenky feet too! He sprays Lysol in his shoes to cover up the smell. It DOES. NOT. HELP.

He got that gene from my mother whose feet smell ROTTEN.

I just threw up in my mouth thinking about the smell.

Mommie Mayhem said...

Ugh hubby has some stinky feet!! Im afraid all 3 boys will be taking after him lol.

Alice said...

My little Princess has stinking feet too... she got them from me though :( I just always wear flipflops even when it snows!!!

Divine Chaos said...

Me too, Alice!! LOL I only put on tennies if it is subzero temperatures outside .. and I never keep them on long.

The Complete Oxy & Orange Stain & Odor Remover stuff that you can find in the pet aisle works on the stinky shoes, by the way ..

Paula said...

Oh gods.. I grew up with three brothers that could gag a maggot off a gut wagon with the smell of their feet. I swear sometimes you could even smell them with their shoes still on. God forbid they leave their socks or shoes anywhere in the living room or den.. the whole house smelled of rotten bleu cheese or something more vile.

I am really blessed when it comes to my son and husband. Both of them are really picky about smells and hygiene in general. So they are good about letting shoes air out, and wearing clean socks. They rarely smell bad at all in fact.

As for me.. I never wear shoes.. or almost never. I think I only own one pair of flip flops and a pair of slippers.. both of which I have to search for when I need to go somewhere... and even then I usually go out of the house barefoot.

Pookie kills me.. and I know she keeps Iggy in hysterics. Gotta love them both. *giggles*

Heinous said...

That's a good plan. Enforced sock wearing through discomfort.

I had a roommate in college that ran without socks. Those sneakers stayed in the hall.